Emergency

Emergency
and you're alone
tear stained face
frantic writing
planning your funeral
waiting for the day
they
the all knowing they
open your diary and say

What a sick
fuck

How dare she
how dare she write
and write
and write
about her death
and how she wants daisies
instead of roses
for she'll prick her hand on the thorns
even in death
how she wants to be buried in long sleeves
and pants
even though she always loved dresses
but her arms are too
too
too much
her legs too much
how she wants the picture
where she is a little girl
hiding behind a panda bear
with little teeth
and a watch
too big
her mothers
and she looks like she's about to cry
but she doesn't
she will not cry
she will not feel
this will not break her
she is already broken
this does not matter
and how she wants the song
with the waltzing orchestra
the instrument she always wanted to play
but can't
not allowed
don't even think it
she wants the preacher to lie
say she was a good girl
don't say she drained herself of blood
hush hush about the pills
lie preacher
say she was a good girl
she died of a preexisting medical condition
she did not
kill
herself
suicide is not an option
let her drown in her tears